Social
anxiety isn't just nervousness; it can have a heavy impact on lifestyle, social
relationships, and self-esteem. Thanksgiving is nearly here, and the thought of
being surrounded by dozens of relatives may make you uneasy. So what are some
things that you can do to keep anxiety at bay?
The
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) report that 6.8 percent of all adults in the United
States experience social anxiety —
also known as "social phobia" — each year.
Of these, 29.9 percent of cases are classed as "severe."
Social
anxiety is defined as an "intense, persistent fear
of being [...] judged by others," and standing
out from the crowd. People who live with this disorder may
struggle with school, work, and various other social situations such as
parties, weddings, and other family celebrations, as they are constantly — and
painfully — self-aware, scared of doing or saying the wrong thing.
In
social anxiety, words and gestures are blown out of proportion, and individuals
fear that the smallest thing that they've said or done may severely impact the
way that others see them. This fear can become debilitating and put people with
this type of anxiety off from attending events that others take great pleasure
in.
With
Thanksgiving drawing ever nearer, households across the U.S. are getting ready
to celebrate love and gratitude with family members and friends. But how can
you let these warm feelings shine, and how can you enjoy the event, if being
around people makes you so anxious?
Below,
we look at some methods that may help you to keep social anxiety manageable, so
you can begin to relax a little and enjoy yourself this Thanksgiving.
1. Prepare in advance
If you
already know that you'll have to be around a large group of people — including
relatives who you haven't seen in months or years, or new girlfriends and
boyfriends you've never even met — then it's probably a good idea to do a
little mental and practical preparation.
For
instance, you may want to engage in something relaxing and enjoyable
beforehand, such as meditation or breathing exercises. Many studies suggest
that meditation and mindfulness techniques are effective in reducing stress and worry.
A useful breathing exercise for
anxiety is to take a breath in, slowly, maybe counting to five, and feel the
air fill your belly. Then, release the breath just as slowly, feeling first
your belly and then your chest deplete completely. Repeat this a few times,
until the tension in your body eases a little, and you feel more relaxed.
You may
want to prepare a list of potential conversation topics in advance. If you get
people talking about themselves — their children, pets, jobs, projects, and so
forth — then you'll be placing them in the limelight, and you won't have to
worry about your own performance.
Research
has suggested that people with social anxiety tend to focus too much on
the impression that
they might leave on someone else. Switching the focus to other people — what
they've been doing, what kind of things they enjoy, or what they plan to do
come next weekend — can help to disperse some of that heavy self-consciousness.
2. Make sure you a have a 'job' to do
Speaking
of focusing on someone else, psychologist Anita Sanz — who had to cope with
social anxiety for many years herself — explains that "giving herself a
job to do" in a social setting has often helped her to alleviate anxiety.
In
an interview, she explains that a sense of purpose
allows her to forget that she's worried about how others might perceive her.
"I have found that the best way to manage social
anxiety is to give myself a 'job' to do. I substitute purpose for confidence
and meaning for fear. I don't focus on how others are perceiving me or
evaluating me when I am trying to accomplish something important or
meaningful."
Anita Sanz
So, once
you get to the Thanksgiving dinner party, make sure you have a practical job to
do: set the table, check on the turkey, do some dishes, or
decorate the dessert. This will keep you occupied and may allow you to avoid
the hustle and bustle of the event.
As a
bonus, studies have shown that performing an altruistic deed to help someone
else boosts happiness and decreases stress levels.
Research
reported by Medical News Today earlier
this year, for instance, found that being generous and performing selfless acts
activates the ventral
striatum, which is a region of the brain linked with happiness and
the reward cycle.
3. Try to turn anxiety into excitement
When you
feel the wave of panic coming on, try to imagine that you're excited instead.
You can make this a general statement, repeating "I'm excited" to
yourself, like a mantra. Or, you can make it specific, fooling your mind that
you're hyped about a coming event or situation. For instance, you can
anticipate your upcoming hike, or an online shopping spree.
This
way, you may be able to trick your brain into thinking that your anxiety is
actually a feeling of intense anticipation felt in the lead-up to a good thing.
In scientific terms, this technique is called "reappraisal."
Prof. Alison Wood Brooks, from the
Harvard Business School in Boston, MA — who published a paper on this topic — explains that it
may be easier to transition from anxiety to excitement than from anxiety to a
state of calmness. That is because anxiety and excitement are more similar to
each other, and closer in intensity.
"The
way we verbalize and think about our feelings," explains Prof. Brooks,
"helps to construct the way we actually feel. Saying 'I am excited'
represents a simple, minimal intervention that can be used quickly and easily
to prime an opportunity mindset and improve performance."
A
more recent
study published in the Journal
of Consulting and Clinical Psychology also suggests that
reappraising your emotions can be helpful, at least in the short-term, in
tackling situations that cause anxiety.
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